Did you know?
- when we met, I didn't know who I was yet
-I was fourteen, overweight, politically and spiritually confused
now I'm 28, a skinny veggie hippy communist batt`ling anarchistic philosophies and sticking with atheism
Did you know you helped me create that?
That the entire scaffolding upon which I rest my consciousness would be boring, dry, ordinary, without precious conflict and constant growth, if I didn't date and fall in love with you at the exact right time in my growing years?
Did you know that I didn't know who Michael Moore was until your parents took me to see him speak at UOP?
-did you know that I still think Green Day is better than blink but I always liked blink more than I ever admitted to you?
-that I still have that backstage pass thing we got at the Twisted Christmas concert where we tried to sneak in to see Mark, Tom and Travis but didn't quite make it?
Did you know that I kept trying to get better at playing the guitar to impress you?
-that I took that silly drama class to impress you?
-that I kept trying to get better at writing to impress you?
- when we broke up, I lost weight and doubled down on all those things to impress you
All of these things are so closely tied to my core personality that I can't tell for sure where I stop and you start
Did you know that it was you I felt safest sharing pain with?
-and now that I need to talk to you about you not being here, the irony has me begging the stars for your voice
-that you may not have been my last love, but you sure were my first and most honest by a mile
-that I loved kissing away your scrapes and bruises when you'd come to me, and that it never was a chore?
Did you know my bullshit intollerence comes from it being your least favorite of all smells?
-that I'll always be punk rawk for you?
-that I always hated doing your homework, but I knew it was worth it and that you'd find your way academically?
Did you know that you made me really proud?
-that I hope I was maybe even just a small part of you as you are a huge part of me?
Did you know that now I know forever exists because I can still hear you laughing at the guy who called Brittney Spears a "dumb bitch" at Fahrenheit 9\11 or feel your scorn when I pick out a crappy song or approval when I kick ass in an argument?
Did you know? `cause I sure fucking hope so. I'll make sure to nourish these truths deep in my bones.
The little pieces of me that live virtuously are inextricably linked to you, and honey, I'll always miss you
I'll try not to, too much, because you always told me
"Take care of yourself, Matthew"
And I can't apologize enough, darling, I meant to write you words that would intrinsically sing. Sounds that when spilled through lips tied to mouths reveal just how important you are to me.
But you were my editor, and you were the best, so I'm trying to sort through this wreck of a mess on my own. Forgive these silly sentences spilling out of me for never being able to capture all of your beauty adequately.
